iDon't Get Women
by SupahFreakyHyperSpaz
Summary: Freddie Benson is good at alot of things. But the one thing he'll never be able to do...Understand Sam Puckett.


_**A-hey-to-the-what-to-the-how you doin? This Spaz is in the house and have I got a story for you!**_

_**iEnrage Gibby? Pfff hilarious. To all hardcore iCarly fans who want to find out more on the show, and want to get all the fun facts involved, follow Danwarp on twitter, or the Danwarp blog, which there are links to on the Twitter page! It's just some pretty cool facts, and I figured Dan would appreciate having all of you awesome iCarly shippers following his stuff! **_

_**This story struck me while I was reading a Harry Potter fanfic that made me laugh epically. This'll be romantic and funny. I'd say romantic comedy but it'd just scare you away =D anyhoo…**_

_**I DO NOT OWN iCARLY! OR A TEN POUND PACKAGE OF BACON! Honestly though, I'd gladly accept either.**_

_**I own the story but my inspiration was from a Harry Potter shipper, so thanks =]**_

_**Well now, my time has officially come…..to present with you…my latest…DRUMROLL PLEASE!... FAAAAN FICTION!**_

_**Now that that's out of my system, onward thoughest must go to the ddepths of the end of my story! And so forth**_

_**Well okay, you can just read the story now.**_

_*******_

Freddie Benson was good at many a different things. He could operate a computer better than any trained professional, he could zone out in class-not that he ever would- and still make a perfect A, he could manage and produce one of the hottest shows on the web, and his voice had **changed**. But if there was one thing Freddie Benson could not do, it was this: understanding Sam.

Most were afraid to try, and most were very rightfully so. This may come as a shock to most of you, but Sam Puckett was not exactly Ms. Sensitive when it came to anything. Which is what brings Freddie to his destructive confusion in those rare moments that Sam shows emotion.

The most important detail of this being that he just didn't know how to apologize to her. If it were Carly, it would not be expected, yet it would definitely be gladly received. Sam however, always expected it, and always took it the wrong way.

Even though she started proclaiming it was as easy as, "Just say you're a big fat idiot and that you stepped out of line with your stupid little tech talk."

Freddie just couldn't keep giving this chick everything she asked of him! He didn't want her to be mad because he was scared of her, she could easily kill him, and she was the best thing that could ever happen to him. Not that he'd admit that to anyone. Not even himself.

"Well, maybe one day you'll start paying attention in class so that you can understand my tech talk, and you will stop thinking that **I'm **the idiot!"

Sam gasped angrily, "Well I know that with the compassion and understanding you show I will finally see the light!" she shouted sarcastically. She looked at him furiously before turning on her heel and storming away from Freddie.

Spencer looked at Freddie expectantly, and Carly looked rather annoyed that her two friends were at it once again.

Freddie just stood there and watched her slam the door to leave. Carly just looked at him angrily and stormed to her bedroom.

"Couldn't you have apologized, little dude?"

"But then she'd get what she wanted! As always!" Freddie said, looking at Spencer as though it were completely obvious.

"But she was _crying!"_ Spencer gasped loudly.

"No she wasn't!"

"Uhh yeah! She was!"

Freddie moaned and put his head in his hands, "Great…"

"Don't feel bad…I made that Alison girl I was dating cry the other day…"

"Oh really?" Freddie asked. He was doing his best to look alert as Spencer went into a retelling of his fight with Alison.

_What does Sam like…I can't see her really forgiving me if I used some stupid sappy love line…not that I would ever do that anyway…she likes ham…but I just couldn't send her a bag of ham and expect things to be hunky dory. Besides…I just used the term hunky dory…_

"And then she was like, 'just because I have red hair doesn't mean my ancestors were circus clowns!' _**(A/N I have no personal issues with red hair or brown hair. It just makes for a funny story.) **_then she had the nerve to make fun of my brown hair! I made sure she knew that my hair was much better than hers any day!"

"Did you now?"

_Sam hates flowers…she's straight eat all of the blooms, then I'd be the one mad again, and she'd still win…which she is anyway because here I am wracking my brain trying to apologize. Like she'd forgive me anyway…this has to be one heck of an apology…a blimp would be too over the top, right?_

"My hair just has so much definition! Like 'hey dude! I'm Spencer and I'm artistic and fun!' and not like an ill-bred dog like she had so rudely compared it to!"

"Yeah…ill-bred."

_Bred….bread maybe? No….she already told me she doesn't eat anything unless it's meaty…oh yeah! A gift card to Mighty Meat! Wait…she has a life time of free meals after challenging that guy to the eating contest…stupid contest…AAH! I can't enjoy it when I win an argument, and I can't enjoy it when I lose an argument! There is no winning against Sam!_

"So I minorly sarcastically-heck! Not even sarcastic hardly- said "Hey! I'm Bilbo the clown! Like my hair? It got stuck in the dishwasher and is soaked with blood! Then she burst into sobs!"

_Maybe just something heartfelt…but really? Heartfelt, with Sam? . No way. There are several reasons why that is a bad idea. Certain death at the top of the list._

"How was I supposed to know her dead cat's name was Bilbo? And that it died by getting stuck in a dishwasher? Honestly, I didn't know that chicks were supposed to name their cats after their heritage for goodness sake!"

"I'm in deep trouble," Freddie moaned.

"There, there," said Spencer.

"That's it!" Freddie jumped up, "Thanks Spencer!"

He bolted up the stairs to go see Carly and talk to her about it, "NO PROBLEM!" Freddie heard Spencer shout back from downstairs.

He discussed his plan with Carly and she gladly accepted to help him.

***20 minutes later***

Sam came bounding through the studio door, "Hey Carlz, got your text, what did you wan-You." Sam said angrily before turning suddenly in a dramatic exit. Freddie grabbed her arm however and pulled her back inside.

From the other side of the door, Carly tucked the key into the hole to lock Sam in with Freddie, until they were friends again.

"Look Sam," Freddie started, Sam noticed how close they were when she felt his warm breath on her cheek, and she subconsciously slapped herself for the chills that were running up and down her spine.

"What dork?" Sam tried to say harshly but it came out as a soft whisper as she noticed Freddie lean in closer.

She blushed and was suddenly grateful that the lights were dimmed so much.

His face was merely inches from hers when he stopped leaning, "I'm sorry, Sam." He breathed, "Please forgive me?" at this point his arms were tangled around her waist.

She looked at him dumbly before nodding slightly. "Good." He said softly, bringing his nose to touching hers. Their lips were less than one inch apart when Freddie pulled away and said loudly, "Okay, now that that's all settled…"

"Shut up!" Sam demanded and he laughed before his lips came crashing down over hers. He felt her laugh into his lips, and was suddenly not so worried that she wouldn't forgive him.

***

_**Ah. The joyous joy of fluff.**_


End file.
